I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
