Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
