she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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