He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
