His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we're making bets on your personal life
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
