Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
