the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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