after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
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WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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