i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
