I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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