possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
