she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
