SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
