It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
