you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
