we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
