1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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