Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
