Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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