dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
