Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
