I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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