I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
