I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
