I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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