I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
