so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
