Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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