Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
