Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
