I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
