I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
