well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
