He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
