1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
