She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
