WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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