last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
