I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
