Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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