I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
