Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
