So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
