I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
