dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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