drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
