i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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