BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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