I'm going to jail i love you
honey bunches of taint.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
