good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
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There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
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I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
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