Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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