wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We left an ass print on the piano.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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