So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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