I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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