She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
