I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
