areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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