If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You were trust falling into bushes
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
