Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
smell my finger.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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