I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My ass is underappreciated
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
