i just had sex bonerless
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
