I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
